Tim:<\/strong> Having now played\u00a0Thief Simulator<\/em>\u00a0to completion, I’ve decided to pack in this games journalism lark and move onto robbing houses. It’s simple enough: buy some lockpicks and stuff online, and find a likely target. Then I just need to stand outside their house for 24 hours staring at them, because people follow a very strict routine all day, every day, in hour-long blocks. Once I know when they’re out (or when they’re likely to be in an area of the house I don’t want to rob blind) I just have to pop inside without getting spotted and shove everything I want into my backpack before heading off to the pawn shop to make a profit. No risk of getting caught\u00a0at all<\/em>.<\/p>\n And hey, even if someone does spot me and calls the police – or I trigger an alarm on a window, or get spotted by a security camera – all I have to do is hide in a cupboard or a dumpster for a few minutes, and then the police will give up and leave me alone forever. Once I’m done with one house, I just move onto next door and commence Operation Creepy Staring again. No hassle, no police, no problem.<\/p>\n That’s how it works in real life, right? Right? I mean, “simulator” is right there in the title.<\/p>\n Note: Due to Tim’s recent conviction for burglary, we have changed this award from “Best Career Change.”<\/strong><\/p>\n Tim:<\/strong> It’s faintly hard to believe that there was a time when Andrzej Sapkowski’s white-haired monster stabber was unknown in English speaking parts of the world. It’s also faintly hard to believe that he’s now one of the most ubiquitous figures in gaming, and that while\u00a0The Witcher<\/em>\u00a0was an ambitious but cult RPG,\u00a0The Witcher 3<\/em>\u00a0release was actually a gaming\u00a0event<\/em>.<\/p>\n And now, the bugger’s turning up all over the place. While\u00a0The Witcher 3<\/em>\u00a0was apparently CD Projekt RED’s last venture into his story, online CCG\u00a0Gwent<\/em>\u00a0and its single-player spin-off\u00a0Thronebreaker<\/em>\u00a0have seen them return to the growly huntsman. Not only\u00a0that<\/em>, but he’s since appeared in\u00a0Soulcalibur VI<\/em>\u00a0as a player character, and is (in slightly more appropriate fashion) due to show up in\u00a0Monster Hunter World<\/em>\u00a0next year.<\/p>\n Give it ten years and we’ll probably have\u00a0Geralt Kart<\/em>. Or at the very least an appearance in\u00a0Super Smash Bros<\/em>.<\/p>\n Jason:<\/strong> Well, we know there’s one game he won’t appear in: Metro Exodus<\/em><\/a>.<\/p>\n Tim: <\/strong>There are a lot of Bad Dads in videogame land, but I feel like Katamari Damacy REROLL<\/em>‘s King of All Cosmos takes the terrible cake this year. Let’s start with the basic premise of the game: he goes on a bender and accidentally destroys all of the stars in the sky. As the long-suffering Prince, the player is tasked with rolling up stuff to remake them. Meanwhile, he’ll bitch and moan constantly about how you’re not doing it right, take as much credit as is humanly possible, and occasionally get you presents. (Which he’s lost, and he figures you might as well just try to find while you’re rolling around on Earth.)<\/p>\n And that’s all assuming that you actually do your job right<\/em>. Fail a level and you’re admonished harshly while rain falls, lightning illuminates the King’s incredibly<\/em> creepy silhouette, and you’re told how much of a loser you are. Not quite as bad as in the sequels where he starts shooting lasers at you<\/em> while complaining, amongst other things, but… well, he’s not exactly the role model for supportive fathers.<\/p>\n Jason:<\/strong> I’m tempted to vote for myself, if only because I had to send my three-year-old away to the province when Destiny 2: Forsaken<\/em> launched just so I could have some free time. Don’t worry, my old folks love him.<\/p>\n Tim:<\/strong> We may<\/em> need to talk about your workload.<\/p>\n Tim:<\/strong> Assassin’s Creed Odyssey<\/em> did a lot of things really well, as our Jason related in his review<\/a>. To my mind, it did two things particularly well. Firstly, it made sure people learned how to spell “Odyssey”, which is a crucial life skill. Secondly, it had a lot of huge statues with large stone ding-a-lings.<\/p>\n I mean, sure: you can go and hunt down the Cult of Kosmos and find out about your parentage. You can assassinate politicians and take part in grand battles for the future of Greece. You can romance people, or debate with Sokrates. Or<\/em> you can hang off of a granite groin stick and take selfies. If you squint, you can just about see Kassandra in the above screenshot.<\/p>\n Jason:<\/strong> Was there ever any other competition this year for this award? I’m willing to bet that Zhuge Liang’s Eight Stone Dong Maze in Total War: Three Kingdoms<\/em> will be the front-runner next year.<\/p>\n Tim:<\/strong> We thought last year<\/a> was the last chance we’d have to give awards to Dark Souls<\/em>, being that the final DLC for Dark Souls 3<\/em> was released, and Dark Souls 3<\/em> was – itself – the final Dark Souls<\/em> game. And then we wind up with Dark Souls: Remastered<\/em>.<\/p>\n I could complain about the fact that it’s hugely expensive on PC if you already owned the un-remastered edition, since it doesn’t fix or add much that couldn’t be modded in easily, but hey! Dark Souls<\/em> in 2018! And, as such…<\/p>\n Tim:<\/strong> Also, that makes it seven years running that we’ve managed to find a way to give Dark Souls<\/em> an award. Let’s see if something happens in 2019 to make it eight!<\/p>\n Jason:<\/strong> Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice<\/em> has a New Game+ Brutal Mode where beating it without getting hit once lets you view the secret Dark Souls 4<\/em> teaser trailer?<\/p>\n Tim:<\/strong> Lots of games have really awful dungeons, or levels, or whatever. They’re usually set in sewers and involve switch puzzles and mazes – and yes, Final Fantasy XV<\/em> has one of these. But that’s not the dungeon I’m talking about. Final Fantasy XV<\/em> has a terrible dungeon that’s also actually really, really good.<\/p>\n I’m going to be oblique so as not to give any explicit spoils, but later in the game, one of your party members becomes somewhat incapacitated — right about the time you’re going through one of the more irritating dungeons in the game. It’s a painful slog, and it’s made all the more painful because you have to constantly stop and wait for your wounded buddy. It’s frustrating and annoying and awful.<\/p>\n It’s also done specifically<\/em> to mess with your emotions. If you run ahead too far, your party members will chastise the hell<\/em> out of you for being such a dick and leaving one of your own behind. By this point, you should have an actual emotional connection to your party, and if so then you will feel like an absolute jerk for not hanging back and being supportive. It’s a rare example of a “bad” game mechanic being used in a very clever and positive way, and reinforcing the characters themselves.<\/p>\n Tim:<\/strong> That’s actually just one minor example of the emotion-fucking that Final Fantasy XV<\/em> inflicts upon any player foolish enough to get attached to its characters. What starts as a boy band road trip (as I affectionally call it) – essentially, a bachelor trip to the protagonist’s wedding – rapidly devolves into horror and tragedy and sorrow. And also destiny and giant swords, because this is a Final Fantasy<\/em> game, after all.<\/p>\n I’m not going to go into specifics, but I will say that the ending made me blub, and I can’t actually watch the intro – or hear Florence and the Machine’s beautiful cover of Stand By Me<\/em><\/a>, used to glorious effect in said intro – without starting to tear up a bit.<\/p>\n Sorry, I think I’ve got something in my eye. I need a moment.<\/p>\n Jason:<\/strong> Hold on, I just got this game during the Winter Sale and haven’t even installed it yet.<\/p>\n Tim:<\/strong> There are many recipes in Final Fantasy XV<\/em>, and I want most of them to be in my mouth in real life<\/em>. Especially when the results look like the above. This game puts more effort into its food presentation than most restaurants.<\/p>\n Jason:<\/strong> I take it you don’t have bubble tea where you live?<\/p>\n Tim:<\/strong> Actually, no. But come on, that looks amazing. Don’t make me send you screenshots of Final Fantasy XV<\/em>‘s food.<\/p>\n Tim:<\/strong> Some easter eggs are made to make you chuckle, or smile appreciatively at a reference. There are some in Just Cause 4<\/em>‘s massive open world that do this. But there’s one easter egg in the explode-athon which was made for a certain kind of person. To hurt them.<\/p>\n Yes, that’s right: There’s a Getting Over It with Bennett Foddy<\/em> easter egg in Just Cause 4<\/em>. But it’s not just a quick little reference to the game. Finding it gives you a small Getting Over It<\/em> level in Just Cause<\/em>‘s world, complete with Bennett Foddy soothingly talking over the top of it and reading out “inspirational” quotes from Just Cause<\/em> characters.<\/p>\n Not many are likely to find it without some serious scouring, but it’s an excellent little extra, not least because it actually adds a bit of content rather than just being an in-game model referencing something else. (But it’s still very frustrating<\/em>.)<\/p>\n Tim:<\/strong> I’m a forgetful sort so some of these might be from sequel Yakuza Kiwami<\/em>, but as that’s not on PC yet and any<\/em> GIFs from the series will make people go “Wow, I need to check this out”, I present to the court:<\/p>\n Read on to find out what games win Best Haikus, Biggest Numbers, Best Game About Unguided Air-To-Ground Ballistic Boats, and more.<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Tim:<\/strong> PC gaming is growing, which is nothing new. But what’s mildly surprising is the rate at which major console series are making inaugural appearances on PC, or ageing console games are rapidly getting remastered onto our platform.<\/p>\n A few years ago, we all wanted<\/em> things like Bayonetta<\/em>, Vanquish<\/em>, Yakuza<\/em>, and Killer7<\/em>. Now we actually have them. Also Katamari Damacy<\/em>, Shenmue<\/em>, the latest Valkyria Chronicles<\/em> and Dragon Quest<\/em> games, Monster Hunter World<\/em>, Ni No Kuni<\/em>…<\/p>\n In short, loads of franchises that used to be console-only (or untouched since 1999, in the case of Shenmue<\/em>) are now on PC. We can only guess what surprises we’ll see in the coming years, but at this rate, it won’t be long until pretty much everything winds up with a PC version. Still waiting for ChuChu Rocket<\/em>, though.<\/p>\n Jason:<\/strong> I’m honestly just hoping for an Eternal Darkness<\/em> release since I never owned a Gamecube. Too bad their makers faced off against future-Fortnite<\/em> and went bankrupt.<\/p>\n Tim:<\/strong> If the devblog on Steam is to be believed, Kenshi<\/em> has been in development for 12 years. Considering the progress reports on the official site go back as far as 2008, that wouldn’t actually surprise me. Mostly, I remember early beta releases and a Steam Early Access version around 2013.<\/p>\n It’s a hell of an accomplishment. A post-apocalyptic, samurai-themed, open-world, town-building, RPG\/RTS hybrid in which basically everyone is stronger than you from the very beginning. That’s not an endorsement of the game itself, but it’s absolutely an endorsement of the amount of work that went into it.<\/p>\n It’s not quite Duke Nukem Forever<\/em>‘s 14 years of development, but hey: that had more people working on it, multiple engine changes, cessation<\/em> of development, several developers…<\/p>\n Jason:<\/strong> Man, and to think when this game entered development, I still had a full head of hair.<\/p>\n Tim: <\/strong>Special mention also goes to RimWorld<\/em>. That’s “only” been in development for five years, but it changed a lot over that course of time and got huge amounts of content as things went on.<\/p>\n Tim:<\/strong> Localization teams don’t tend to get a lot of love. I tend to think of localization as akin to the bassline in a song: if it’s bad or missing, you notice; if it’s good, you probably don’t notice it at all. Rare are the localizations (and basslines) that are so good they actually stand out, and they’re usually very dependant on the game. Some are just rock-solid, like the\u00a0Trails Of<\/em> series. Some require a lot of finesse, like the\u00a0Phoenix Wright<\/em> series and its incessant puns and jokes.<\/p>\n And then there’s Dragon Quest XI<\/em>, for which the localization team should take a bow. The series has long played with accents for its western versions and there may be some superior examples from earlier games, but the English translation of\u00a0DQ11<\/em> is bloody amazing.<\/p>\n There are plenty of examples I could give, but one of the earliest is also one of the best. Before too long, you find yourself in a Japanese-themed town… in which every single person<\/em> speaks in haiku form. Not just plot-relevant dialogue, either. Chatting to a guard at the gate or a man perusing armor will result in a 5\/7\/5 syllable response. For everyone in the town. For every line.<\/p>\n Like I said, there are plenty more examples throughout the course of the gargantuan RPG, but this is one of the earliest that stands out as “holy crap, that’s good.”<\/p>\n Tim:<\/strong> While not as pun-tastic as some of its predecessors, DQ11<\/em> has its fair share. Again, near the start, there are the characters in the town of Heliodor and its slums of Cobblestone… who are named for precious gems in the former, and less-precious rocks in the latter. But the real winner for “groaning, but in pseudo-appreciation”? The Sham Hatwitch. God dammit, Square Enix.<\/p>\n Tim:<\/strong> Not to be outdone, Nippon Ichi Software’s Disgaea 5<\/em> is also full of groan-inducing puns. I’m just going to let that screenshot speak for itself, and sigh. Loudly.<\/p>\n Tim:<\/strong> If gargantuan puns aren’t enough, then gargantuan numbers might be. Disgaea 5<\/em> is a grinder’s wet dream, allowing you to level up basically everything<\/em> and combo together your attacks to absurd levels. The above screenshot (taken from the game’s Steam store page) may be a lot of damage in most RPGs, but in Disgaea 5<\/em> it’s a really minor example. There’s an achievement for inflicting over 10,000,000,000 damage<\/em>, for crying out loud. And you can go higher still.<\/p>\n Tim:<\/strong> I’m not sure why people are complaining about ![\"Thief](\"https:\/\/primagames.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/pcinvasion\/2018\/12\/Thief-Simulator.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\nVirtual Lifetime Achievement Award<\/strong> –\u00a0Geralt of Rivia<\/em><\/h2>\n
<\/a><\/p>\nWorst Dad Of 2018<\/strong> – The King of All Cosmos (Katamari Damacy REROLL)<\/em><\/h2>\n
<\/a><\/p>\nBest Giant Stone Dongs<\/strong> – Assassin’s Creed Odyssey<\/em><\/h2>\n
<\/a><\/p>\nDark Souls Award For Dark Souls Game In 2018<\/strong> – Dark Souls: Remastered<\/em><\/h2>\n
<\/a><\/p>\nAward For Getting An Award Seven Years In A Row<\/strong> – The Dark Souls Series<\/em><\/h2>\n
<\/a><\/p>\nBest Worst Dungeon<\/strong> – Final Fantasy XV<\/em><\/h2>\n
<\/a><\/p>\nMost Agonizing Emotional Rollercoaster<\/strong> – Final Fantasy XV<\/em><\/h2>\n
<\/a><\/p>\nMost Delicious Food<\/strong> – Final Fantasy XV<\/em><\/h2>\n
<\/a><\/p>\nMost Hurtful Easter Egg<\/strong> – Just Cause 4<\/em><\/h2>\n
<\/a><\/p>\nBest Game I Can Make You Buy Using Only GIFs<\/strong> – Yakuza 0<\/em><\/h2>\n
<\/a><\/a> <\/a> <\/a> <\/a><\/p>\n“Wait, <\/strong>What<\/strong><\/em> Just Came Out On PC?” Award<\/strong> – Katamari Damacy REROLL, Yakuza 0, Shenmue, Valkyria Chronicles 4, Killer7, etc. (Joint-winners)<\/em><\/h2>\n
<\/a><\/p>\nDuke Nukem Forever<\/em> Award For Game That’s Finally Out<\/strong> – Kenshi<\/em><\/h2>\n
<\/a><\/p>\nBest Haikus<\/strong> – Dragon Quest XI<\/em><\/h2>\n
<\/a><\/p>\nGod Dammit, Square Enix Award<\/strong> – Dragon Quest XI<\/em><\/h2>\n
<\/a><\/p>\nGod Dammit, NIS America<\/strong> – Disgaea 5 Complete
\n<\/em><\/h2>\n<\/a><\/p>\nBiggest Numbers – Disgaea 5 Complete<\/em><\/h2>\n
<\/a><\/p>\nMost Accurate Depiction of a Post-Apocalyptic Wasteland<\/strong> – Fallout 76<\/em><\/h2>\n
<\/a><\/p>\n